The Flat is the Dark Tower to which we are drawn by strange and frightening Forces. The Flat is Mordor. The Flat is our purgatorial obsession. The Flat is what will be left when the rivers run pus and vomit, the Flat and our frozen ashes in neat little piles on the Couch.
Flee, Milly. Run. Trust no-one, especially she who that Orc Petrax calls 'maid'. Go now, Milly-poo, and take this enchanted pack of Elven Rizla, this only-once-used condom found along the distant northern regions of Rivonia Road, and this Bottomless Bankie from Capetonia, for you never know when you might need them.